Irish Cheapskate

I have just discovered an excellent way to completely eliminate your cologne or perfume expense while smelling new and fresh every day.  I recently received a Maxim (men’s magazine) in the mail.  I don’t remember exactly why, but I know it was free.  I vaguely remember buying something online a while ago and ticking a box that said “Yes, I would like a free one year subscription to Maxim”.

Anyway, I was thumbing through the Maxim when I noticed it in the mail, and one thing that stood out immediately when I picked it up was the strong odor of cologne.  I realized it is because there are a ton of cologne ads causing it to smell very strongly.

I realized that I am going to get a free issue of Maxim each month, each with probably 8-10 different cologne samples in them.  I only use cologne on the weekends (if at all), so I figured this was more than enough to fufil my cologne demand - without a penny out of my pocket!

There were 8 in this month’s issue.  I spent a minute to cut them out, so now I just have 8 strips of cologne.  The beauty of this is that if I don’t like the smell of one, it will be the only time that I use it!

I was looking at some of the prices for these tiny bottles of cologne… $125?!?! are you kidding?  I’ll just stick to the free samples, thanks.

Here is a dirty tip: saving money by cutting your toilet paper costs.  Don’t get freaked out, I don’t want you to compromise your hygiene just to save a buck or two.  I have a few tricks that might help you save some money on your ever-lasting tp expense.

1.  Buy in bulk.  Toilet paper doesn’t go bad.  Also, when do you plan on discontinuing your toilet paper use?  If there is ever a sale on your favorite brand, stock up!  I guarantee you will use it.

2.  Start by comparing prices on a per-sheet basis.  24 regular rolls is the same as 12 double rolls which is the same as 8 triple rolls.

3.  Stick with the brand that is the best quality for the lowest price.  By taking the absolute lowest cost toilet paper, you might not be saving money because you could end up using a lot more to get the same effects.  See which products require the fewest sheets per session.

4.  Use your toilet paper wisely.  I don’t want to go into great detail, but in general, it is wise to get the most out of your TP.

This simple procedure might save you a fifty to hundred bucks a year on toilet paper.  Over a lifetime, that could end up being a lot of money!

The best way to cut down on your gas bill is to try hitch-hiking your way around.  Think about it.  Anytime you go ANYWHERE, don’t you usually see other cars on the road?  Why can’t you just be a passenger in the car in front of you rather than following it in your own car?

Put on your best clothes and someone is bound to lend a helping hand.  You could also sell your car, cancel your registration and insurance too!  Think of all the savings!  You would be a fool not to.

Can you even go a day without hearing or seeing some advertisement for the newest weight loss solution? A bottle of diet pills, only $59.99! Or maybe a month’s supply of food - $319.99! How about that new ab machine you saw on the infomercial? Three easy payments of only $29.99! Or the new gym membership, only $39.99 a month!

Well, these are all great ways to lose weight, but their effectiveness is always questionable. And at what cost? Why is it costing you money to lose something! This just doesn’t make sense to me.

I have discovered a proven diet that not only helps you lose weight, but also save money! It has been around for years, with a great track record for unparalleled weight loss. It is called Anorexia. This is such a powerful system, it is even considered by some to be a disease!

What is best about this system is that you are not only eliminating your excess weight, you are eliminating some additional personal expenses such as food. There are no start up costs (unless you want to send me a donation for filling you in on this secret), no memberships and no hidden fees.

Common side effects include extreme weight loss, lower body mass index, increased exercise. Other side effects include death, stunted growth, impotence, slow heart rate, hair loss, zinc deficiency, tooth decay, constipation, dry skin/lips, headaches, obsessive compulsive disorder, low self-esteem, mood swings, fainting, suicidal thoughts, malnutrition, and many other health complications.

Starting this diet is as simple as stopping. Stopping all that eating you are doing and start enjoying results!

Why would you go to the store and pay butt-loads of money for envelopes when they are giving away perfectly good envelopes at ATMs around the country?!

These envelopes may have some markings or holes in them, but that is nothing that a little bit of white-out and a sharpie can’t fix!

The only problem is that they don’t have stamps.  I will next need to figure out a way to re-use stamps or get stamps for free.

Until they post a notice on the envelope holder at the ATM that says “for deposit purposes only”, I encourage everyone to take as many as they want for their mailing pleasure.

One of the biggest rip-offs of the century are drinks at the bars… $5 for a drink?  You can get a $5 foot-long sandwich from Subway for that price.  On top of paying 50 times the cost of the drink, you have to tip the bar tender for what?…  Pouring liquid into a cup?

What a scam!!!

I have found that a $10 investment for a nice flask can save you twice that much in just one night.  For about $10, your flask could hold ~4 shots.  Four drinks would normally run you ~$20 at the bars + tips.  Here are some tips for bringing your flask out on the town with you:

• Keep it hidden.  You will want to be as discreet about it as possible.  The people at the bars will have a power trip when they see that they aren’t squeezing every last dime out of you.
• Order a water, drink the water and pour your own liquor into the glass.  This way, you can enjoy sipping the drink you smuggled in without having to be careful about people seeing you drink it.  The bathroom or under a table are good places to pour yourself a drink.  Make sure to tip yourself!
• Use a water bottle if you don’t want to get a flask.  When you bring your flask out, you always risk getting it confiscated.  Also, everyone knows that its not water in your flask.  If you bring a water bottle filled with a clear substance, you might be able to play the “sober driver” card.  Also, if you lose it, the loss is $0, compared to a $10 flask.  Unfortunately, water bottles are a little easier to spot in your pocket than your flask.  I have had luck putting it in my jacket pocket and leaving my jacket open.  One last benefit to a water bottle is that if you finish everything, you don’t have to keep lugging it around to all the bars with you.  Just toss it when you are done and forget about it!

You don’t always have to BYOB to save money at the bars.  Try going out on off-beat nights - Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday - and you can usually find some pretty sweet drink specials that make paying for drinks totally worth it.  $1-$2 for a drink isn’t terrible, but $5+ is.

You may find that you can walk faster than you think. I have found that it is pretty easy to keep a 3-4mph pace without breaking a sweat. If you have to go somewhere that is only 1 mile away, it will take you about 15-20 minutes to get there.

Compare that with spending a few minutes grabbing your keys, climbing into the car, starting it up, pulling out, driving through traffic, parking, and finally climbing out of the car and locking the doors. Your car typically gets the worst gas mileage and pollutes the most when it is cold. One mile is not sufficient to warm up your engine in the least.

Walking has other benefits other than just saving you money and polluting less. Walking is one of the most efficient ways to metabolize body fat. If you have a one mile commute, consider walking as a substitute to driving at least a few days a week. The rewards are plentiful!

Save money on unnecessary purchases such as ketchup, mustard, relish, mayo, soy sauce, salt, pepper, bbq sauce, etc. If you haven’t noticed, these items are offered for free at many restaurants and food places throughout the country.

If you go out to eat somewhere, grab some extra packets of condiments. When you get home, stash them in a jar in your cupboard or on the top of your fridge. It saves you a couple bucks and you always have plenty of condiments to choose from when eating at home.

There is a reason that we have thick skin on the bottoms of our feet.  It is because for hundreds of thousands of years, we walked around with no shoes.  Why do we have shoes now?  Because everyone is a wuss.

Save money by saving your shoes for when you really need them.  Slowly start building up the skin under your feet, and eventually you won’t ever need shoes again.  Make sure you gradually make the transition as you don’t want to injure yourself.

I have had the same pair of shoes for over two years now, mainly because I try to keep the wear and tear to a minimum by wearing them as little as possible.

It truly is a way of life.  There are some people that blow their money foolishly, others that spend their money wisely, even fewer hang on to every last cent.  Then there is me, the Irish Cheapskate.  I go beyond frugal.  You will laugh, you will cry, and you might just save a buck or two using these great tips I will share with you.